Mark: The Farewell That Became Possible

Yevgeny Ryaboy is a leading Gestalt Therapist from Kyiv, Ukraine, and our colleague on the journey to bring Chairwork and Chairwork Psychotherapy to the world. In this piece, he has provided us with a case, a teaching example with details changed, to show how he integrates Dreamwork and Chairwork in his therapy. At the end of his life, Dr. Fritz Perls, the creator of Gestalt Therapy, was focused on working with dreams. In the language of the Four Dialogues, Perls used Giving Voice and Internal Dialogues structures as vehicles for reclaiming and integrating disowned parts or energies. In this example, Yevgeny Ryaboy uses a Relationships and Encounters approach as a method for helping Mark resolve the “unfinished business” that he has with his mother—a state that has left him with strong feelings of guilt and grief. - Scott and Amanda

At the time of this session, I had been working with Mark, a young client, for several months. One issue that we had been exploring was his reaction to his mother’s death two years earlier. She had died from a brain tumor—an illness that took her very quickly and unexpectedly. On this day, Mark entered the office, greeted me, and sat in the chair across from me. At the start of the session, we agreed to work with a disturbing dream—a dream in which the image of his deceased mother came to him. Mark had spoken about this dream at our previous meeting.

Gestalt Therapist: “Please tell this dream in the present tense, as if you are seeing it right now. You can close your eyes if it helps you see this dream better.”

Mark: “I can do it with my eyes open. It’s actually better that way, I feel less anxious. It’s easier for me to tell it with my eyes open.” (I silently nod to him in agreement. Mark makes a concentrated face as he tries to recall the dream.) “Dark sky… I see a dark sky in this dream… It’s somehow difficult to tell this dream. I’m starting to feel very anxious, my thoughts are getting confused… It’s hard to continue telling the dream. What did I say at the very beginning? I’m getting confused… I’m sorry.”

Gestalt Therapist: “You have nothing to apologize for. Let’s have you write down each sentence you say about the disturbing dream on this sheet of paper. When it becomes difficult to continue, you’ll look at what you’ve already written, rely on it, and continue your story about the dream.”

Mark: “Okay, let’s try.” (The client takes the sheet of paper and pen from my hands). “Remind me of what I said at the beginning.”

Gestalt Therapist: “You said, ‘I see a dark sky,’ write that down and try to continue the story.” 

Mark writes the sentence and tries to continue telling the dream in the present tense. Over the next 10 minutes, we work almost step-by-step to “bring the dream to life.” He writes down each sentence as he says it. I work to provide him with support. During this process, his anxiety level rises—he holds his breath, a tremor appears in his hands, and he nervously moves his legs while sitting in the chair. After writing the dream on paper, I again ask Mark to tell me the story of the dream.

Mark: "I see a dark sky. I feel that I’m standing on the riverbank. The water is dark, almost black. I see a figure in front of me that resembles my mother. She’s standing on the opposite bank. She’s wearing a light dress, but I can’t see her face—it’s blurred, as if in fog. I have a feeling that my dream is slowed down, stretched out. The figure sometimes speaks in these dreams: “Come to me, son.” Then a feeling appears that I’m entering the water. It’s cold, I go deeper, and suddenly I can’t breathe. Everything goes dark. After that, I wake up in my room, covered in cold sweat.”

Gestalt Therapist: “What draws your attention most in this dream now that you’ve told it?”

Mark: “The figure of my mother. The fact that I can’t see her face. And that she’s calling me to her.”

Gestalt Therapist: “What’s happening with you right now when you talk about this?”

Mark: “I’m very anxious. And I’m scared. And at the same time… I want to go to her. To see her.”

Gestalt Therapist: “Mark, I want to suggest something. Do you see this empty chair nearby?” (I point to the chair.) “Let’s imagine that your mother is sitting there now. Can you talk to her?”

Mark: (The client’s eyes fill with tears). “I don’t know if I can….” (His voice trembles.) “Can I stand up, walk around?” (Mark gets up from the chair and walks to the window. His movements are characterized by stiffness and tension; he holds his breath. I also get up from my chair and approach the client. Mark looks at me.) “Yevhen Mykolaiovych, I’m trying to pull myself together and not cry. I’m holding back. I’m holding back my tears.”

Gestalt Therapist: “Imagine that your tears could speak. What would they tell us right now?”

Mark: “They would say that I didn’t have time… Didn’t have time to say many things to her. That I still can’t believe she’s gone. That I….” (He interrupts himself and starts crying.)

Gestalt Therapist: “Please, try to finish the sentence.”

Mark: “That I feel guilty. That I wasn’t there when she… when it happened.” (He starts crying.)

Gestalt Therapist: “Mark, let’s try something. Can you sit back in your chair?” (The client returns and sits down.) “Look at that empty chair. Imagine your mother is there. Try to say at least one sentence to her—something you didn’t get to say to her during her life.”

Mark: (Long pause. He looks at the empty chair. Tears flow down his face.) “Mom… Mom, I miss you so much.” (He cries harder.) “I also want to say… that I didn’t get to say goodbye. That I wish I could hug you one more time.”

Gestalt Therapist: “Mark, please move to that chair—your mother’s chair. Try to answer yourself on her behalf. What might she say to you upon hearing these words?”

Mark: (He slowly moves to the empty chair. He sits tensely, hugging himself with his arms. Long pause, about a minute). “Son….” (His voice breaks.) “Son, I…” (He starts crying even harder.) “I didn’t want to leave you. If I could, I would have stayed. I always loved you. Always.”

Gestalt Therapist: “Please return to your seat. What’s happening with you right now?”

Mark: “I… it’s as if I heard her voice. For the first time in all this time. And I felt… I felt that she didn’t leave me on purpose.”

Gestalt Therapist: “Try to slowly say the phrase: ‘Mom, I allow myself to grieve for you.’ Notice what happens when you say this.”

Mark: (He repeats the phrase several times.) “Mom, I allow myself to grieve for you.” (At a certain moment, Mark independently changes the phrase to one that corresponds to his experience.) “And I allow myself to remember you with love.” (He pauses.) “Something is changing. I don’t know what exactly, but something is changing inside.”

Gestalt Therapist: “If you were to describe what you’re noticing in yourself now with a metaphor, what would that metaphor be?”

Mark: “It’s as if a stone has shifted from my chest. It’s easier to breathe. And that dream… now when I think about it, it’s not so disturbing. As if Mom wasn’t calling me to death, but simply wanted me not to forget her—For me to allow myself to remember her.”

Gestalt Therapist: “That’s a very important awareness. Look at that chair again. What do you want to say to your mother now, after everything that has happened?”

Mark: “Mom, I love you. I will live, and I will remember you with love.”

Commentary 

At the beginning of the session, my proposed transition from talking about the dream to experiencing it in the present tense shifted the client’s experience from the past into the present moment. Mark became flooded with emotions while telling the dream, and his cognitive disorganization appeared. My subsequent suggestion to write down the dream step-by-step helped the internal experience take form and it became the support that reduced his anxiety and confusion.

The dialogue with the empty chair allowed Mark to work with an unfinished gestalt—the situation of grieving—as he was able to express what was previously left unsaid and repair the severed connection with his mother. The unfinished business—the sudden death without a proper farewell—was now symbolically completed.

The use of language as a vehicle for self-regulation also played an important role here. This can be seen in the phrase: “Mom, I allow myself to grieve for you.” As he repeated it, he decided to transform it into: “And I allow myself to remember you with love.” This linguistic shift was a form of self-permission. Mark literally gave himself the right to both grieve and love simultaneously. The metaphor “a stone has shifted from my chest” showed that a bodily change has occurred—not only cognitive or emotional one—which was a manifestation of the holistic principle of Gestalt therapy.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

 Short Bio

Yevgeny Ryaboy holds a Master's Degree in Psychology from Zaporizhzhia National University. He is a holder of the European Certificate for Psychotherapy (ECP) from the European Association for Psychotherapy (EAP).

He has worked as a psychologist at the Zaporizhzhia Regional Clinical Children's Hospital and as a lecturer at Zaporizhzhia Polytechnic National University.

In late 2023, he co-initiated the creation of the Gestalt Therapy Division at the National Psychological Association of Ukraine and currently serves as its moderator. In the same year, he also founded the International Association for Experimental Gestalt Therapy; he is the current head of the organization. 

In 2025, Yevgeny Ryaboy became a lecturer and academic supervisor of Gestalt Therapy Training at Ukraine Sigmund Freud University.

He maintains active membership in the European Association for Gestalt Therapy and the National Psychological Association (Ukraine). 

Contact: ryaboy1386@gmail.com